the weekend was pretty cool…i dont have any serious complaints….I did my ritual of driving to the ridge after work on Friday….no tickets this time. *giggle* We went and got my passport on Saturday morning. It seemed like forever standing in that dang line. A kid kept hitting me in the back of the leg. It was a real test of patience i tell ya….I love kids, but this one…….good God.

After the passport situation, we drove out to my mom’s house. We went and ate at the Whale’s Tail which was good. I havent eaten there since….Mother’s Day 2001. Back then it was some seriousness…we were younger then, so everyone made it a point to celebrate Holiday’s together….now it doesnt seem like that anymore. It’s kind of a “catch you when i catch you”. I’ll see if i can find a photo from back then.

After lunch, we went to “Scrapbook Island”….i used to scrapbook a lot when i was in high school. It was one of those Nerdy things to do on the weekends to pass time since there wasnt much to do in Oxnard. When we were driving by, I thought of Lael. I havent really talked to her in a long time. I miss her a lot…Last time i called her house, no one answered the phone, and i felt it pointless to leave a message. Anyways, I got a whole bunch of stuff for the scrapbook that I’m going to do for the Costa Rica trip. I want to make sure i document everything.

Hmmm….after that, we went back to my mom’s for a second and then headed out to the Camarillo Outlet Mall…..he loves going there…. :heartbeat: …. I splurged a little in Guess and got a new bag and wallet and a couple of shirts which were all super cute.I figured since i had hadnt bought anything from forever21.com since last payday, i deserved a treat. Besides, it was only a few things…..

After that, i went over to my cousin’s house to meet my newest little cousin, Nevan..she’s so cute.
It was easy to fall asleep holding her….but I had to fight the urge. I used to do that with Gregory…lol… It was good to see Jen and Timmy again. I think the last time i saw them was before Thanksgiving. It’s hard to get the family all together sometimes. I was pleased to hear that Jen got a new car. That old one just wasn’t doin it for me…I just hope things work out with this one.

When we got back to Northridge, and found some parking…we chilled for a while and watched ” Garden State”…i didnt watch all of it, being that i was still in that sleepy mode from holding Nevan. On Sunday, i watched the rest of the Sex and the City episodes up to 65, then i watched “Win a date with Tad Hamilton”…well, KINDA watched it…i kept falling asleep….i read some of my new book….I put “Bling” on hold until i get my first book club reading assignment…i didnt wanna get ahead.

Overall…the weekend was pretty good…i have no complaints. This weekend, we’re supposed to be driving out to SD to hang out and get some R&R away from home…….we’ll see how the week unfolds…

xoxoxoxo

Guess who’s getting his driver side window tinted!?!?

That’s riiiiiiiiight….lol…Abner’s getting his driver’s side window tinted on saturday….thank God….he just looked kinda weird with all the others tinted and the Driver’s side not….

Unfortunately police look out for tinted cars….but hopefully, it’ll be alright…

I added new photos to the photo album and i’ll have some more after this weekend…in the adventures of Abner….

xoxoxoxo

uhhh…k…so it’s been a year…but, i’ve finally ordered my USC Alumni license plates….i’m slow…i know…..hush….

I got it today……seems like it’s gonna be a good book….excited for the reading group to start…although…i might go ahead and read ahead….lol

i guess it was the expectations of me that had me running in circles……you wanna shout, “WHAT DO YOU WANT FROM ME?!”, but then, if you were to ask everyone that, they’d probably have a different request…

soooo…i guess the only thing that matters is what i expect of myself…and what i WANT for myself…..it’s time to start really looking at that. If i’m constantly questioning what and when…then what’s the point?

life’s full of hurdles…some are just higher than others…

in other news…..it’s allllllllllllmost Friday! *giggle* yay! that means, the weekend’s almost heya! I dun know what i’m gonna do….maybe go take photos somewhere…i havent done that in a long time….

i’ve been drinking water like……….nuts! every morning, i drive to 7-11 and get my three liters of flavored water…..then i wind up peeing every hour…but hey…it’s good for you right?

aww well….lol

hope everyone has a good thursday!

xoxoxoxoxoxo

welp…i’m back again…with something that really matters…….i wasnt feeling the overly developed website stuff anymore….so….i’m gonna go with my motto: “it’s simple….really”…and get back to writing about things that really matter to me….

i’ll be updating the design as the week progresses….so stay tuned.

one thing that i like about this new design is that i was able to incorporate one of my favorite books: “hitchhiker’s guide to the galaxy”…..one of those…go out and grasp your world kind of books…

i got my passport stuff …signature required, overnight…..thanks mom! i think she was stressed out about me getting it….*giggle*…but i got it…my baby photo is sooo funny….my hair was doin thangs….

i have to get up early tomorrow to take my boss to work….can you believe it….6:30 am……but hey….it’s almost the weekend….i’ll live…

anyhow, hope everyone is having a blessed day…

xoxoxoxo

you’re hurting- a poem written FOR a friend

I heard about your loss,
the other day,
the same way I find out about other things,
in your life that have significance….
through that grapevine.

i wanted to call you
and see if you were okay
but deep down inside,
i knew there was nothing i could do
nothing that would make you be you,
once again.

i wanted to tell you
that I’m sorry and that I’m
here if you need me,
that is….

I’ll run wherever you want me to run
i’ll walk, skip, hop a train and land,
wherever you need me to land.

I’ll crawl, flip, and hitch-hike
to that destination that is you,
within you.

But since I can’t reach you,
i’ll pray that you’ll be okay,
and that you’ll reach ME,
one day.

So I can tell you
What I think you should know,
But until I can tell you,
to your face….here it goes:

She’s okay, ya know….
everything will be alright…..
She’s in that big cloud in the sky,
watching YOU as YOU drive by.

She’ll continue to be in your life,
as long as you let her exist,
Whether your standing,
Or on bended knee, head bent between closed fist.

The piece of you that you never spoke of,
but silence was golden,
golden enough to know that SHE
was a big part….
a big part of who you are, and what makes you
the man that you are….

You never had to say a word,
Any noun, verb, or conjunction, would seem ubsurd,
Never could explain the worth of her,
Never could explain the worth.

You’re hurting…..and I hear you……
It’ll be alright…..
It’ll be alright one day….

*as Carl Thomas – “I’m Missing You” plays in the background*

you dont get it do you?
you don’t get it

when i tried to hit you back for that one last chance
at romance,
you sounded as if your head was on straight
and you still had a place for me,
in your heart that is.

when i attempted to tell you that i missed you
and needed you back HERE and not there
where you are now,
you explained that you heart ached just as much as mine
same beat, same rythm.

when i explained to you that i wanted to chill
to be friends first and lovers later
because it would last longer
and feel stronger
when you were back in MY vicinity
you gave me the line…”of course, that’d be great”.
so i atttempted to wipe clean our slate.

but then those friendship emails and phone calls that i wrote
turned into crimes of passion which left you
crying and wondering whether or not you
of all people, my love,
could handle me.
u always did hate long distance relationships.

i was willing to say, i’ll wait
for you, that is.
when you get back….
i’ll be here….
with open arms
and an open mind
and an open heart.

but before i had a chance to reiterate that fact
you were gone.
existence of you ceised and you
became a figment
until the homie called and said
that you were still alive
and you just wanted to be friends.

my mind existed where yours was because
it could.
there were no faults, no losses,
and no part of me that strayed from the mindset
that you left me in here
but if my crys of passion and love,
were too much for you,
then i’ll stop
and you’ll still be that figment of my imagination
that gets one phone call
and one email
a month.
that’s what friends are for right?

addicted – 10.24.02

Something I was working on a while back….
It’s kind of a story….

———————————————–

We met in a twisted fashion…
it’s crazy huh?
my aquantaince, my friend,
the homie from that one night…

I disappeared and you were still there….
but I wasnt…..
And that was fine…cause we met again,
While I was gone…

So you wanted my heart….
and I couldnt, I just COULD NOT do it,
I was wit him and you just weren’t there yet….
or you just wanted me to give something I couldnt at the time.

So then the situation flipped…
You were no longer the pursuer,
you were being pursued…
by ME…

But again, you weren’t there yet….
you were stuck in some SICK
FANTASY WORLD, where you GOT all that you wanted….
including me…

I wanted you for more, and you wanted me for less…
and who knew that my luv for you would be PUT…
to the ULTIMATE test…

So I ran…
I ran crying from you…and all you represented,
in hopes that I’d forget about you and you’d go away….
But you wouldn’t….
you’re STILL
FUCKIN
HERE.

You’re invading MY mind,
You’re invading MY space…..
and I want you to…

So the situation flips again,
you pursuing me, I can’t have YOU…
And then…
all of a sudden…
you’re fallin in luv…..

But it’s not with me…
and I’m happy……
I’m happy that you’re with her, and not some
RANDOM female who wants YOU to violate
HER body in HER free time.

If she makes you happy…
Then be happy….

And if she makes you smile…
then CONTINUE to smile…..

But SMILE for me……
I still want you….
you still invade MY mind too, ya know….

See….I’m addicted to you….
And you’re addicted to me……
And I’m glad you’re coming to your reality……
Cause when you’ve completely reached the reality that I’m at….
You’ll realize that we were meant to be together….
And this little addiction that we share means something….

If when you walk outside and you smell that mist…..

untitled – 10.10.02

*i kind of threw this together….it’s not about anyone in particular or anything, it’s just thoughts that seemed to flow from my brain a couple months ago. It’s kind of broken, so bare with me….*

———————————————

You dont know ME…. so WHY do you judge? Why is it possible for YOU, of aaaaaaaall people, to hold this grudge? I’m a person, just like you, And I have feelings, JUST LIKE YOU TOO. so dont ACT like you like me, cause umm…I dont like you. put up a front and pretend to befriend me? when all you do is, uhhhhh snicker about ME behind my back, with your friends, people who dont matter, and people who DONT have a say, as a MATTER OF FACT. Quit playin games, and come with the REAL… I mean, since everyone THINKS they know the deal, fa real? Soooooo quick to jump up, but forget to ask how IIIIII feel…. huh? are YOU for real? DAMNIT, FUCK you and FUCK what you claim… I’m so SICK and TIRED of playing this game. Running in circles, around this topic, but no one but me is trying to stop it? MOVE ON! is what i profess to do, I’m gonna suck it up and move on, why dont you? don’t ACT like you know me, or how I feel… Cause as much as you TALK, you dont KNOW the REAL DEAL…. MOVE ON! and suck it up is what I say…. Cause at the end of the day, YOU really don’t have a say, ANYWAY.