i have two – 10.02

He used to sit in his chair…
and listen to his music
as he
drummed his fingers on the arms of the chair he sat in,
they gave him rythm and peace….
no one to bother him, no one to stop him,
and no one to
break
his
rythm….

he was a shinin star
and he really is now,
he’s my star….
my shining star…
he did so much,
but no one knew
when he was asked to give a dollar,
he gave a few.
at his funeral,
when more than 20 people stood up to
say what he did for them…
we sat there not knowing what to do…
look to my left…she’s crying…
look to my right….she’s quiet….
my turn right? my turn to cry?
i didnt know what he meant then,
or know how he fit,
but it makes perfect since now,
although it didnt then.

he’s gone now, they say…
but he’s watching over you
he’ll be your guardian angel,
in everything you do.
You dont have one now,
you have two.

that chair still sits in the same spot…
a coincidence?
i think not.
i loved him more than anyone will ever know
and he loves me too…
he told me so, that day at the hospital….
i asked him, you know?….
hold up two fingers for yes,
and one for no…
i know he loves me
he told me so,
he held up two fingers, that day,
and not one for no.

before he died…
i wrote a letter…
saying i’d be ALRIGHT….
when he died,
he was holding MY LETTER,
MY LETTER in front of his eyes…

so dont ask me if i know how it feels…
cause IIIII sat in counseling…
in that u.s. government made
chair made of steel….

i asked for answers,
and i got none,
but now,
i have two guardian angels…
not one.

*pm dawn plays in the background*

captivating my mind – 11.18.02

You’re captivating my mind,
On an everyday basis,
I’m starting to realize,
That you have many faces.

I don’t care how many you have,
As long as I get to see them everday,
As long as I get to
Play with your ears,
Or caress your back,
Or Kiss on your neck.

As long as I get to stroke your ego,
And whisper in your ears,
You like that… don’t you?
As long as I get to
Watch you smile or watch you dress,
Or watch you think.

You make me smile and
That’s all that I need,
I just want to,
Be your queen, ya know?
Let’s make this an everyday thing,
You being my king.

I like the way you make me think
Of runnin naked
Along a stream,
You know….that white shit.
Not that I’m some kind of ho,
That needs your dick,
But uhhh…….
It’s that shit that makes me spin.
And I rate YOU a 20
on a scale of 10.

So ummm….come here…
And let me hold you,
Allow you to groove to that same white shyt that
I’M movin to.
I like the way you make me think.
Let’s make it an everyday thing,
Cause you’re captivating my mind,
Like all the time…and
I like the way you make me think.

By Courtney Elizabeth

I wish i could tell you how i feel right now,
It seem like I’m talking,
But you dont hear a sound.

I want you to realize
what you’re doing to me
It’s killin me inside,
that I’m the only one between us that sees.

I want you by my side,
Marking every moment,
Capturing every single stride.

I’ve been hurt before,
Before there was you,
And when you came along,
I thought all was true.
But I’m tired,
And confused,
Just like You.
I’m just hoping
that we’ll make it through.
Cause I can’t see me,
without there being you.
By my side,
Capturing every single stride.

I woke up this morning with the thought…

You need to go find that church…get up Courtney

So i hopped on the internet to get the correct address for the church *up the street*, and to see if they had a website that highlighted “what they believed”. I think it’s important to find a Church home that has the same beliefs that you do….and also, so you dont wind up in some type of Cult where they tell you that you should drink some type of *lemonade* instead of grape juice. After milling around for a minute, Incog mentioned the church in Porter Ranch that some of his friends had mentioned and that Lael’s sister goes to, so I kept it in the back of my mind as a trip for next weekend if this Sunday wasnt *for me*. :thumbsup:

I got in the car and drove to the church that I had seen many times after hopping off of the 118 Freeway, but realized, it was kind of empty and didnt seem to lively and….well, that’s not what i’m used to. Sooo….I decided to give the church Incog mentioned a try. :couple:

A little background: it’s a particularly new church out here in Northridge/Porter Ranch, CA called The Shepherd of the Hills It sounds dumb, but i knew/felt like it was were I was supposed to be by the fact that when i walked in, I was greeted and felt completely comfortable by my surroundings….:blush:It was a great sermon, today on pornography….mentioning the fact that a few days ago, 6 boys jumped and raped a 13 year old girl in a park out here in Los Angeles, while 9 other people stood, watched, and clapped….:wtf: It made me sick to my stomach….but it brought light to a perspective that is sometimes overlooked…

After church, I headed to the nearby Walmart to pick up a new Bible. I needed something a little bigger than the one i carry around in my purse. My dad gave it to me back in 1989 – he wrote in it and everything, but it’s only the New Testament, and while I find joy in reading Psalms 23 on my way to work in the morning, I still need something to get me through the rest of the week. Don’t get me wrong, I have other “bigger” Bibles, but they are my old Student Bibles and I guess, I need something more…..Adult.

All in all, today has started pretty good….soo…
I hope that everyone has a blessed day today and has an excellent start to their week…remember to keep God first in everything you do….

xoxoxoxoxo

Today was my mom’s birthday. So i took the day off like I normally do. Since my dad died, I try to fill the void on special days….

Incog and I drove out to her house this afternoon to paint her bedroom wall at her birthday request and to take her to dinner. When we got there, it seemed like it was going to be real easy, but I guess I made it harder than it had to be. :blush: You know who decided to get creative and write on the wall before she got started, and ended up having to do several coats to cover up the writing. My side of the wall didnt look as good as Incog’s, but I guess that was because he was doing what he was apposed to be doin….:smile: As usual, he acted the counterpart and picked up where I slacked…..guess that’s why I love him so much….:couple:

We went to dinner at The Outback….perty tasty, I must say. After dinner, we drove back to my mom’s, got our stuff together and drove out to the Camarillo Outlets….It was about 8pm, so we werent sure if it’d be open, but it was….inspite of the overcast due to the beach proximity. I purchased two Guess Watches….(1) for work and (1) for fun….We got back to the ridge at about 9:00pm, and headed over to Starbucks so that I could grab my White Chocolate Mocha and Lemon Pound Cake before heading home….

It feels like Saturday, but I’m happy that I get to spend one more day with my babe before he has to go back to work…

HAPPY BIRTHDAY MOMMY! I HOPE YOU HAD A GREAT DAY!

I hope you all had a blessed day, and a great weekend.

xoxoxoxoxoxo

Well hopefully everyone got a chance to read over the House Warming post and view the pictures. I was trying to leave it up for a day or so, so that everyone could have a chance. :blush:

The past few days have been eventfull, new beginnings for a lot of things. I’ve realized that it’s time for me to get back into the Church and start being more active in my Christianity. :thumbsup: The trek to Faithful Central at the Forum would be kind of hard for EVERY Sunday, so I’m considering the church that’s down the street – Congregational Church-Ucc. :grouphug: Maybe I’ll just visit and see how it feels. I’ve been kind of driving by, scoping it out, so to speak. But I havent gotten out of the car yet….we’ll see what happens…

Last night, we ran to Jack in the Box and picked up some junk, and we watched Russel Simmon’s Def Poetry and you know what? I LOVED IT. :heartbeat: I’m actually considering buying the Season 2 DVD. It comes on so late on Fridays though, I dont know if i’d have the power to stay awake. But last night, I was sittin there chanting, “Fuck what you heard, act like you know!” It’s about time for me to get back into writing, so I’ll probably take this afternoon and post all of the poetry that i had BEFORE i moved COMPLETELY to WordPress and put it in a category for you all to read when you get a chance. All in all, last night was a good night for me…I really enjoyed just relaxing with the love of my life….we havent had time to sit in chill since the week after Costa Rica. :couple:

Anyhow, i hope you all have a blessed day.

xoxoxoxoxoxo

PHOTOS FROM HOUSE WARMING

welp, it’s over….the housewarming is finally over….but no amount of planning could have prepared me for Saturday morning…lol…we woke up and slept in because we knew we’d be lacking sleep this morning *Sunday*…and after we were fully awake, we hit up about 5 different stores to get everything we needed…..savon, ralphs, albertsons, target, and finally, vons…..it was a lot of stress, but we finally made it through ….

after we got back, we cleaned up a little and got down to unpacking the groceries, putting the cake up, and wale started preparing the meat for the grill….Brandy was the first to arrive, surprisin the crap out of me who was still in my draws coming out the shower…lol….hugs and kisses, we talked while people called mine and her phone trying to get directions…..

next to arrive was alon…when alon got here, we went to albertsons because incog needed more chicken and a brush for the barbeque sauce….when we got back, christal and brianna showed up….we all just messed around for a little bit until andrea and jb showed up…..then in order it was, lucho, lucho’s sister, lucho’s two friends, oj, then a little later, audris, cassandra, brandi (with an “i”), perry and chucky….lol

PHOTOS FROM HOUSE WARMING

we ate while we watched “Boyz in the Hood”. Incog was on point with the barbeque….he did his thing, and I was sooo proud. Then us girls went down to the pool, while the boys stayed upstairs and watched “Baby Boy”….some of the girls were talking and playing Spades, while Christal was swimming in the pool and I was getting my feet wet…..

After a while, we all came back upstairs and I put out the cake *WHICH I FORGOT TO TAKE A PICTURE OF*…and then we got to drinking……..lol…some of us had been drinking from earlier, so we just drank somemore…lol…..we had buttery nipples….simple concoctions, green apple smirnoff……the good stuff….
we played pennies for a while and then we started playing DVD games, which was pretty tight…

I know Alon was the first to start nodding off, and then it was me shortly there after….in between waking up and acting like i was awake the whole time, i saw Brianna on the floor, and then some folks leaving and then, when i woke up…..christal and alon were passed out in the middle of the living room, and incog was in the bedroom knocked out….lol…..

all in all, we all had a great time…thanks to:

my baby – incog, andrea, brandy, christal, brianna, jb, alon, oj, lucho, jermaine, perry, cassandra, audris, brandi, and chuck

it was really great seeing everyone again and I appreciate the warm wishes and celebrating this new beginning that me and incog have decided to embark on….i love you guys…

xoxoxoxoxoxoxo

PHOTOS FROM HOUSE WARMING

I guess i expected to walk in today and not really have to do much….eh well. THAT was over as soon as he walked in…….*sigh*….I wanna go home….*kicks the cpu @ work*. :wtf:

The past few days have been pretty okay..nothing spectacular to report. OH, i got my new cell phone! FINALLY! I went to Verizon Wireless yesterday after work to pick it up…..you know they have the “new phone every 2″ promotion thing….so you get a new phone every two years you are with them. I mean, it’s $100.00 value towards a new phone, but it’s enough to get one that you like. Sooooo, I spent about $100 of my own money and got the new Motorola 815, which is super great with V-Cast and Tru Ring Tones….anything’s better than that JANKY Slider phone that I had. I wasnt really sure what I was going to get when i walked in yesterday, even though I’d been waiting for the day to come for about a month and had visited the Verizon Wireless website about 20 or 30 odd times. I just new that whatever I got, had to have speakerphone and it had to have an outside color screen. So i guess i got what i wanted…:thumbsup:

The housewarming is on Saturday, so I’m really excited about that…I forgot that we might need a theme, but I’m just going to throw all caution to the wind and just tell folks to bring their bathing suits and towels and clothes for the “after swim”…..I plan on stopping at Albertson’s on the way home today and ordering a cake and seeing about ordering food….I also gotta make sure I get some green apple smirnoff for myself… *cheese*….dun tell no one…..:shhh: .

I went to the gym last night to get my little run on….just what I needed to clear my mind and attempt to squeeze into that bathing suit on Saturday. :thumbsup: After that, I came home and chilled out * I mean for real…..back to the floor, feet propped up -on the seat of the couch, looking upside down at the tv*. :blush: A little later on, incog came home…and it just felt good to have another warm body in the house….

2 Things before I go:

1) if you’d like to know the moment that I make a new post, go ahead and click the subscribe button at the top. Promise….only takes two seconds. aaaaaand…
2) would you do me the honor of signing my guestbook? *whimper*…..would love to have ya’ll!

eh well, better get back to work…..*ya’ll knew slavery still existed? *sigh* *
Have a blessed day e’erybody!

xoxoxoxoxo

It is what it is….sneakers and house shoes…..

In the span of three months, we found a place, moved into it, vacationed in costa rica, and spent two holidays together. It’s amazing how time flies, and life is just beginning. I guess i just never pictured it like this…you know how you say, “oh, this time next year, I’ll be doing this, or I’ll have that, or I’ll be doing this, or I’ll have visited that”. I would have never imagined. No matter how much you plan for something, God might have something else in store. God ALREADY has a plan….

Feels good when things are right with the world…:couple:

I dont mind having sneakers next to my house shoes…I think it adds character. :blush:

Stolen from Coley *thanks Coley!!:blush:*:

In a brief conversation, a man asked a woman he was pursuing the question “What kind of man are you looking for?” She sat quietly for a moment before looking him in the eye and asking “Do you really want to know?” Reluctantly, he said, “Yes.” She began to expound…

As a woman in this day and age, I am in a position to ask a man what he can do for me that I can’t do for myself. I pay my own bills. I take care of my household without the help of any man…or woman for that matter. I am in the position to ask, “What can you bring to the table?”

The man looked at her. Clearly he thought that she was referring to money. She quickly corrected his thought and stated, “I am not referring to money. I need something more. ”

“I need a man who is striving for perfection in every aspect of life.” He sat back in his chair, folded his arms, and asked her to explain.

She said, “I am looking for someone who is striving for perfection mentally because I need conversation and mental stimulation. I don’t need a simple-minded man.”

I am looking for someone who is striving for perfection spiritually because I don’t need to be unequally yoked… believers mixed with unbelievers is a recipe for disaster.

I need a man who is striving for perfection financially because I don’t need a financial burden. I am looking for someone who is sensitive enough to understand what I go through as a woman, but strong enough to keep me grounded.

I am looking for someone who I can respect. In order to be submissive, I must respect him. I cannot be submissive to a man who isn’t taking care of his business. I have no problem being submissive…he just has to be worthy. God made woman to be a helpmate for man. I can’t help a man if he can’t help himself.

When she finished her spill, she looked at him. He sat there with a puzzled look on his face. And said, “You’re asking a lot.” She replied,
“I’m worth a lot”

Okay, so i finally picked a bag. While we were shopping yesterday, I hit up Nordstroms to see what the latest handbags they had from the Juicy Couture line was…..but, I wasnt too impressed and settled on a punch pink handbag from Coach’s Signature Line *pictured above*.

My Sunday hasnt been to great, but I’ll outline that for you later……

xoxoxoxoxoxo