I don’t really know what i feel right now….my feelings are all jumbled i guess…I just wish things were EASIER. Someone once told me that if things start to get difficult, that I need to reevaluate if it’s worth it. I guess…I’m just at the point where I dont know anymore. It’s just tooo hard…..feel like i’m pushing and waiting for the earth to move ….like i should just give up and let go. Maybe i need to take a break…

————- added at 10am ——————

I’m thinking I’ll use this weekend to really think about things….I’ll be in Texas with my sands and neos hanging out and havin fun…..it’ll be a chance for me to reevaluate. I started to give myself a deadline as to when i should make a decision. I guess, i’m just used to setting deadlines because it keeps me motivated and it keeps me moving forward…..but maybe that’s the problem. Deadlines. Patience. One thing i always set, and one thing that i never have…..

————- added at 10:45am —————–

I think i’m at that cracking point……

I regret to inform you…that the pooch in the previous post….isn’t mine. And apparently, we wont be getting one similar. :hissy: But ummm…..yeah…the bag he was sitting in…..well…that’s mine……so what……..I bought a bag….*crossing arms*…..i cheated….a little…..OH FUGG IT, i cheated a lot……AND WHAT? whatcha gonna do ’bout it? *putting up fists* ….A girl has to buy clothes every once in a while…and you want her to at least look stylish RIGHT? *running behind door* I wanted my last purchase to be a good one….and dangit….IT WAS……duncha think? Well, even if ya DONT…it’s already DONE….it’s too late……lemme alone…..*shouting from behind door* WHO ASKED YOU ANYWAYS!

Anyhow…..I can’t WAIT for Wednesday…lol….life will be SO much easier….Mondays are always D-days…..feel like i have to walk in with my fist up ready for a fight. I think we have spinning tonight too……so like shatzi says…. I’m gonna have to take it out on the machine.

I feel like the last few weeks have flown by though…only one more month and 1 week until our Costa Rica trip and i can smell the clean air now. I’m gonna wanna bottle it up and bring it back to Los Angeles, and sniff it every few days to remind me of wonderful days gone.

I finally made a decision about the camcorder and as of now….there’s not significant need for one. I HAVE one….I guess, i need to just calm my cookies until the next latest sony camcorder tech comes out and invest then….come on…let’s be practical…how am i gonna be able to do all the things that I plan to do in the next three years if i keep feeding my technology habit…..*completely and utterly not even MENTIONING the clothing habit – that doesn’t count* :soapbox:

The weekend went rather smoothly…we went to see “The Interpretor” and “Sin City” on Saturday….Sin City was pretty okay….i wasnt expecting to like it since it was in Black & White, but you know what? It was perty good….it kept me enthralled because it was an action movie. I LOVE action movies. Same with “The Interpretor”……great movie…kept ya guessing the whole time….And i think i’d watch it on HBO in Demand when it comes out….maybe rent the DVD…..burn the DVD…..ya know…:thumbsup: After the movies, we went to Starbucks and I got my White Chocolate Mocha….soooo good goin down…lol….

Sunday, i spent two hours in the gym working necessary areas….and tonight….will probably be spinning class…but I’m not sure yet….it just depends on how i feel about driving…lol..

Hope you guys have a Happy Monday! :grouphug:

xoxoxoxoxoxo

it’s Friday and that I have NEXT Friday off….:thumbsup: You know…I cant really complain…this week wasnt really that bad. PRAISE GOD! I wasnt sure how it was going to turn out being that on Monday my behind was on the GRIND for real……I was able to complete a few more sites this week, with two more anticipated for next week…..so more money for COURTNEY! WOO HOO!…..

I dont really know what we have planned for this weekend, but I’m sure, it will be one of much RELAXATION…at least on Sunday for sure…*after the gym of course*. Last night was okay…we watched the Apprentice and 48 hours…..both were new, so it was good. So sad to see Bren go…:hissy: …he was one of the nice ones on the Apprentice. :hissy: I really think Alex HAS become a loser since joining Net Worth….Kendra is a cry baby….the black guy is really cool….except for when he said “Kendra’s had her turn, now it’s mineS”……I thought, ah hell……that’s it for all black business folks….:hissy:….. I know there are a lot of executives thinking, “If he’s the best of the best *non-college grad*, and Donald Trump picked him…..” When i apply for my next job, i might have to walk in there and say, “No ones resume is better than MINES”. *sigh* :wtf:

Anyhow, almost quitin time here…..have a great weekend everyone! :heartbeat:

xoxoxoxoxo

Welp….I’m officially on “punishment”….:hissy: I’m not allowing myself to buy clothes until after the move and AFTER the Costa Rica trip. I can buy small things as long as their under $20.00 each….but what would i REALLY buy. And before Costa Rica, I’m able to get small necessity stuff….sunhat, sarong…..you know…..:thumbsup:

Ballys was cool yesterday…praise God my other jeans fit better today….helps me stay motivated. Keep trying to tell myself that when i finally DO get to buy clothes, i’ll be able to fit them better. :soapbox: I guess my Credit Card is having a hard time listening. :soapbox:

Back onthe grind today so PRAY for me…lol….Only two days until Saturday…..:thumbsup:

Short post today ya’ll…….stay safe…

xoxoxoxoxoxo

Decisions Decisions…..

As you can tell it’s breakfast time over here in my office…..and once again Decision time in my life…Being that i’ve already made the LIVING decision, it’s about time i made some decision that affect another important aspect of my life. Now, i’m bein discreet :shhh: because i dun know WHO reads this…lol….but Courtney needs to make some moves. :thumbsup:

I guess the next small decision that I’ve made is to wait until after we get back from Costa Rica, to make that one big decision. I’ve also contemplated waiting until August to decide if it will be worth it to stay….but like Brandy, I’m stuck wondering “Should I Go”. I guess we’ll have to wait and see….

Today marks for the 4th year Anniversary of me and my sands in Sigma Gamma Rho Sorority, Inc. I feel old. Even though things are different now, and a lot of changes have been made. I’m glad that I had the opportunity to meet some very sophisticated women.

Bally’s was cool last night…but i realized one thing with the Hollywood gym….they think that everyone has Hollywood money….you really think i WANT to pay to park when i’m already paying $35.00 for membership each month….:wtf: . I REALLY dont…..i mean, if you were to ask. I guess it’s because it’s surrounded by other Hollywood Venues and it’s on the corner of Hollywood Blvd and El Centro. But in my defense, i didnt ASK for them to choose that location…..hmpgh. Anyhow, these are the bikes that i fight over everytime I go to the Hollywood gym. I was able to walk around the top last night for my cool down to see all of the other things it has to offer…When they took me on my membership tour, it was kinda quick. More like, “You seen what we got, now sign up and gimme your money”. So this time, i kinda cruised around. One thing I am thankful for is the lack of Hollywood attitudes….folks dont lose their minds because they’re all there to either lose weight, gain weight or maintain the weight they have. Keeps some folks in check. :thumbsup:

Anyhow, when i got home, i watched the Amazing Race…and MAN oh man……if i was that black lady…i would NOT have CUT OFF MY HAIR FOR NOBODY! Promise! I mean, if it was the LAST leg of the race and I had to do it to be FIRST for the million dollars….then HEY! I’d consider it real hard and then go buy myself some new hair with the winnings….but uhhh…it WASNT the last leg of the race….so we woulda had to go back and do the other Task. lol Joyce had to cut off her hair in order to complete the task for the Fast Forward to the finish line of that leg of the race. She had her hair in braids, and for ME…..when my hair is in braids…it grows really fast because there’s no fingers in it, and it’s left alone to do what it do…..so she must have had some type of length….and to cut it all off? Come on now…..I woulda been hot…But she sucked it up. :thumbsup: And Uchenna showed her so much love…..:heart: YAY for Black Love! But booo on having to cut off all of your hair to win a leg of the race. :thumbsdown:

And Sidenote…PS…whatever you wanna call it:
I dun know what Forever21.com is thinking, but THIS is NOT the way to go…I have now gone from being a once a week online forever21.com shopper to a once in three weeks…..and COUNTING.

Welp…let me get back to handlin biz….I hope you guys all have a good Hump Day…Kevin Hill comes on tonight…WOO HOO!

xoxoxoxoxoxo

Sorry, i didnt have time yesterday to really write about my weekend…..but I will now. :thumbsup: On friday night, i decided to hang out with the soRHOrs for a few hours. I went to the Regionals Party thrown by the Sorority Regionals Host Chapter. It was cool and there was little to no drama. It was good to see the neos again and to meet the new “neos”…lol….At about 12 am, i decided to leave and make that trek to the ridge…driving out there no longer seems “long”…it’s like….driving down the street since my body is so used to it now….I’m able to zone out and let my arms and legs do the driving.

Before we went to the party, I got to see the nephew… Anthony Ray…it was good being able to see how big he’s gotten since September 6th…lol….the day of new beginnings :heartbeat: …anyhow, Saturday morning, we kind of just hung out like we usually do…watching Saturday morning TV. Before we made any decisions as to how to spend the day, he decided that my car needed to be washed, so we went to his job and i watched him wash Abner from top to bottom…..and even armoral the tires. :thumbsup: Abner looks extra sqeeky clean i tell ya….

After we got back and showered, we went to the Promenade…it’s a good way to walk around and get good exercise while just hanging out and site seeing. Instead of going straight to the Promenade, we rented bikes on the beach and rode up to Venice Beach and did a turn around and rode back. :couple: After that, we walked down to the Promenade, but not before i got my Kettle Corn. That night, instead of going to the movies, we decided to rent…but you know me…i was knocked out before the plot could thicken….:blush:

All in all…it was a great weekend, and so far it’s been a great Tuesday…let’s hope it stays that way.

xoxoxoxoxoxoxo

Please God let this be a good week….Please God let this be a good week…you think if i say it enough, it will actually come true? I hope so, because my Monday already started kinda…:wtf: I miss working SOLELY for myself….the days when waking up at 10am was OK…..when crawling into bed at 4am was normal……We need to win the Super Lotto…lol…we talked about that this morning.:heartbeat:….if we win the Super Lotto, we’re quitting our jobs, buying a house and exploring the world…:blush:….. God if it was only that easy….lol. I always WAS a big dreamer. :blush:

Hopefully today will start to look up..:thumbsup:..still waiting on the deliver of my Juicy pants….God be with me…..

xoxoxoxoxo

God….so i finally did it…I pulled out my High School Yearbook today…and thinking on the past 5 years since graduation…..and compiling all of the information I’ve received…..most of the girls i graduated with are pregnant, married, or in the military. No one knows where any of the guys are…So where did we go wrong? DID we? I mean…..Google Name seraches produced more info..but much of the same content, married, few graduated from college, mostly pregnant….the teachers? all gone…..scandal, with only two left behind *the cool ones*.

Did i miss the boat? No….I think I just jumped out when it was sinking. Most of the stuff is obvious now, those who turned Gay….wasnt something we were even thinking about in High School….yeah, we joked…but was it really THAT serious? nah…..

I answered a question on a “How well do i know you” quiz the other day. It asked me whether the person loved or hated high school. And if someone were to ask me if I hated High School…i would say No. It’s simple….High School was easy. It was one of those things where you dont really have to worry about much accept whether or not you’re going to be voted team captain or whether or not your name will show up on the Prom balot. I was, and …it did. High School wasn’t one of those things where ya wake up dreading that you have to sit n class…or be bothered about seeing the ex hugged up on his new girlfriend *your ex best friend* in the hallway….okay, so maybe those were factors…but it wasnt really about that for me. It was fighting over the top position in the class…..*i got salutatorian*, and it was about making sure that my team was the best that I could make it *we still lost*….but in the grand scheme of things, it was about enjoying life…..with nothing to worry about. It was about making sure that at volleyball camp, no one stole my Fozzy *stuffed muffet*. Of course, they could love him all they wanted to…and they did, but making sure he wasnt stolen everynight was an issue. It was about spending time with my friends from Junior High who were now at different schools NOT in the immediate area, two of which will be two of my bridesmaids when i get married. Yep, we’re still cool like that…..It’s about making sure i got to spend time with my cousins I mean, my family was crazy…but whose isnt? :soapbox: Mine was just….a little…..”Extra”….lol…doesnt mean I love em any less….

And mostly it was about friends….high school was just…..cool. With there only being about 3 black girls in the class, it was pretty simple about who was gonna be hangin with who by the end of the year…wish the black male population worked the same way, but hey, with most of the girls being hispanic…I couldnt really blame them. Their pickins were slim in the black area. It was about making sure we got our same table in the Senior Patio. ….yep…the senior patio where, lowerclassmen got hosed down if they step one foot on the grass…..where the teachers got evil looks if they even ventured to try to come and sit. We were a little rough…lol. But I guess the big thing for me was weekends….and hangin with my mom. I think she’s the reason for my shopping addiction.
She’ll prolly kill me when she sees this photo, but I live an hour away..and umm…:razz: @ Mom. After my dad died, my mom made an extra effort to be around for all of my volleyball games and school events….it’s rough being a single mom. And i think i had to be “la creme de la crop”……spoiled…..mean…..and…just all around great….dun mean to toot my own horn. but….TOOT *there goes that horn again*…lol…naw, but really…we had a lot of confusion at first because she was the one who used to BAIL ME OUT when i used to get in trouble with my dad…and now …..I was gettin in trouble with her. But we figured it out….we got it together, just in the nick of time… :hug:

But you know…she had a lot to work with. WHAT? I was cute for nine….:blush:

Anyhow…..I’m glad that things turned out the way they did….I’ve had some great folks in my life…

This was taken in 2002. Me and my soRHOrs.

Graduation 2004

Me and Silly Willy – November 2004

Been a great past 5 years….:) YAY FOR 5 more!

uhhh….in a nutshell…a BUST. :thumbsdown:

the NERVE….i’m at a loss for words right now. I rushed home from the gym to see this girl act a fool on America’s Next Top Model. My arms hurt, but if she was in swinging distance…..woooooooooooah buddy….makin Tyra yell….smh.:wtf:

It’s been a perty okay day….went to work, came home, relaxed for a while, then went to Ballys in Hollywood…much bigger, but more people…having to wait for a machine was not something i liked…but hey.. *shrug*. When i was leavin the gym, this trainer ran after me and asked me “how long I’ve been coming to Ballys”…and “how he’d never seen me there before”, and how he “wanted to give me a free session on him”….i was like dang…Do i look THAT bad? *sigh*….imma squeeze into that biskini in June if i have to….dun trip….. :thumbsup:

Anyways, Kevin Hill is on…..must go. :heartbeat:

xoxoxoxoxoxo

much like the last supper…I made my final *well kinda* purchase until the Texas trip…:thumbsup: I finally bought those Juicy Couture Angel Pants that i was killin for….but that will be it for a while, except for the few things i’m getting from BIG 5 today. Actually…anyone live in Texas…..is it hot there right now? Will I sweat out my fresh press when i go?

I bought some Pilates workout tapes to do when i get back from the gym everyday, and also for Thursdays since i dont go to the gym on Thursdays. I tried them out when i got home yesterday…and MAN, *holding head in hands*…..what a workout. lol. I called my mom to ask her SOMETHING and she was mad cause i was grunting in the phone…:blush:

Anyhow, after work, it’s Northridge, gym, pilates, sleep….in that order. :thumbsup: Glad everyone’s been doing so good on their weightloss track these past few weeks…..keep up the good work! :grouphug:

Til tomorrow…..
XOXOXOXOXOXO